We should go to poetry night

This is something that I have been working on. I like the idea, but it is a bit raw and disorganized. It is basically a rant. I just want it here in case I ever get around to revising it. I kind of went back to old bad habits at the end.

"We should go to poetry night",
I message my friend.
Though, what I really mean,
Is that I need to get to a microphone as soon as humanly possible.

Because...
If I projectile vomit these feelings,
Like those lovely Thursday nights in college,
Maybe, just maybe,
They won't poison me.

[This condition is hereditary.
I saw my grandmother,
Clutch at past transgressions,
Like they were Dixie cups of hope,
In the desert of her waning moments.]

Here we go -

First, I don't "hate" my boss,
I hate the entire fucking institution.
Second, I'm not sad that I was dumped,
I'm really terrified I'll end up alone.
Third, I'm not sure if age is making me cynical,
or if my moments of clarity reveal the shitshow of our world.

The stock market is Pokemon cards for adults.
Disney sells beautiful lies and irrational expectations.
Truth is entirely subjective.
Past success means nothing.
And the purpose of life...is, get this, living.

(Mind Explosion)

There is no universal purpose,
It's a goddamn choose your own adventure:

Some want to get to heaven,
Some just want the attention,
Some do it for art,
Others have bleeding hearts,
And want to save humanity from itself.
I just want to be happy with my self.

Back to Black

Went back to MD for a weekend. JT and Jay Z were amazing. Played Legendary with 2 sets of siblings I'm gonna miss when I move. Walked around the harbor and rediscovered Otakon. I'm going to miss all of this. Hell, I miss all the things I've already lost there.

I forgot my laptop, but I'm really glad I did. Spending time talking to people(even if they were on their tablets or computers), is something I enjoy. One of my friends recently posted and infographic that made me kind of sad. Based on this, being in the middle is the best. Because clearly anyone who focuses on themselves and doesn't think before they speak is obnoxious.

Here is why I think that is bullshit:

I always relate things people tell me back to my personal experiences. What you share with me is your personal experience, and I am so glad that you decided to open up to me that I want to share something with you. If that thing is trivial or boorish, I'm sorry. Its all I've got that I can return to you about my experiences after you have taken time to share yours with me. When people point out that I repeat stories often, it makes me disappointed. Not because I've been repetitive, but that in that attempt I failed to share something with them.

What people see as my verbal onslaught is just my excitement to share with you and relate. I'm kind of stuck in my own head a lot of the time, so when I get to interact with people, I want to spill my thoughts to them. My verbal onslaught is basically me seeing a break from my internal monologue (which is not always the happiest or comforting place).

Claiming that what I say "bypasses my brain and goes straight to my mouth" is not an insult. Hesitation allows dishonesty. I don't want to sugar goat what I'm thinking. I want you to get it just as I think it, without my ego getting in the way. Pausing to think of how to more appropriately phrase something is what I do when I'm with those who I'm not close to, and those with whom I have to maintain a facade of appropriateness.

Labeling people as "playthings" is wrong. People are the reason we exist. Without interaction, life would kind of be pointless. You could sit in your head all day and think of new ideas. But without anyone to share it with, that gets old. I'm pretty sure that's why that old Greek philosopher wrote his work as a dialogue. People sharing ideas or experiences is basically the best you can get.

My past couple rants have been edited, because I wanted to maintain some level of coherence. Too bad. This is the stream of my consciousness. Get swept away in it, and try not to "put P in our 'ool' ".

Lyric of the Day: Amy Winehouse - Back to Black
"You went back to what you knew
So far removed from all that we went through
And I tread a troubled track
My odds are stacked
I'll go back to black"