Just keep swimming

I have a terrible habit of clinging to the past. Whether it is events or people or places or things. I think part of it comes from the idea that all of the things I've interacted with are selfishly part of my life story (which is obviously the most important life story out there).

This blog was another part of this attempt to link my present to my past. Even it's title is a reference to a conversation that happened in my undergrad time. But in the words of George C. Marshall, "When a thing is done, it's done. Don't look back. Look forward to your next objective."

I've moved (physically), and I'm moving on to the next step in my life. There are things that I'm bringing with me, but they can't be to focus of what I'm moving on to. Even if I don't know what that is. They can remain a part of who I am without defining me. I watched "Hitch" yesterday and realized how many of the jokes in that I had picked up as recurring things I said. But just because it has become part of me doesn't mean I have to spend all my time waiting for the planned TV series.

So this is the last page of a love letter to the past. I'll post a link to the new adventure when I figure it out.

Things I'll keep with me on my next blogging venture
- Random art attempts (poetry or comics)
- Lyric of the day (lyrics do resonate with me)
- The occasional rant on social constructs
- Funny stories that I think are memorable
- Less entertaining stories that have sentimental meaning

Things I'm hoping to leave behind
- Self-destructive criticism or any sort of self-awareness
- Broken promises about upcoming rants I never publish
- Dreams of futures that have passed (movie references are staying though)

Lyric of the Day: Halestorm - Better Sorry Than Safe
"I'm not scared
'Cause I know there's something out there waiting for me
And I swear that I'll find it someday, just wait and see

I don't care that you call me crazy
I can't stay 'cause I need room to breathe
There's nothing left to say, better sorry than safe"

I like to move it

Before my big move, I decided to make one last trip to see my peeps. So far it has been pretty great and I'm glad I did it, even though I know when I get back it will be a rough move.

Thus far I got to
- Hang out with my hetero-life mate and his extended family. We were told to date, but not each other.
- Give advice on going to college
- Draft Khans and see true game sense work
- Buy a graduation present and leave it in the wrong state
- Become part of the cooking duo known as the "Chopped Boys"
- Go to my favorite museum
- Chat with a forever-friend and catch her up on my love life (or lack thereof)

*Edit:
- Went on a classic "looks like a double date because everyone else ditched"
- Got drinks with the college crew
- Played pool with the old roomates
- Talked about app development with a friend's BFF
- Dinner with the boys (an watching American Psycho)
- Saw "Me, Earl, and a Dying Girl"
- Had a 4 hour delay, but was able to read the book for the above movie as well as Mindy Kaling's first book

I don't have a comic. But I did have another friend get into photography, so that should work out for the better.

Lyric of the Day: Mazzy Star - Look On Down From The Bridge

"Maybe I'll just place my hands over you
And close my eyes real tight

There's a light in your eyes
And you know--yeah, you know

Look on down from the bridge
I'm still waiting for you"

A Whole New World

One of my favorite web comics, A Softer World, is ending. It captured what I thought was the perfect mix of melancholy and hope. I always take for granted that things will be there forever, even though that is rarely the case.

I'm going to be making a big move this summer, and it is kind of scary. New places. New people. New everything.

Change is my least favorite thing.

Should be interesting.

Anyway, here is my homage to ASW.

I would make a joke about sex dreams, but that is a picture of a baby and I feel bad.

Photo Credit: LKM Photos

Lyric of the Day: Chicago - Will You Still Love Me

"Just say you'll love me for the rest of your life
I gotta lot of love and I don't want to let go
Will you still love me for the rest of my life?
Cause I can't go on
No, I can't go on
I can't go on
If I'm on my own"

The Times They Are A Changin'

My Facebook feed is awash with another year of graduations and weddings. My close friends who went to grad school for the long haul are starting to get their PhDs and figure out their next step. Some of my friends have started having kids. Even I have started to reassess my plans for life and my career.

2015 should be an interesting year.

I also made a comic. So there is that too.

And sometimes you need to rub its back until it burps.

Lyric of the Day: Bob Dylan - The Times They Are A Changin'

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'

"The saddest day I came across was when I learned that life goes on without me"

I recently took a trip back to MD. The motivation was partially that I missed being independent and partially that my list of reasons to go back was long enough that I could justify it.

I spent the first couple days with my friend who was on spring break. Even though I was sick the first couple of days, we were able to make sure that he spent his break playing Minecraft instead of being productive. Got to squeeze in dinner with friends in the city. Ate some mussels, had a shot of butterscotch schnapps, saw MD basketball win in March, and went to my go-to mixed-Asian restaurant. I will definitely miss the Charmery's Old Bay Caramel Ice Cream.

The next couple days I spent with another friend and his wife in their guest room.  Went to midnight pre-release and played 2HG, going 3-1. Played board games all day for two days with friends from grad school who I had not seen for a while. I also pet-sat for the first time ever (that chinchilla in college doesn't count).

My last week I crashed by my friend who lived on campus. We played through the first 3 Uncharted games while catching up on what was happening in out lives. Had a boardgame night with a couple couples I had missed on my way out of MD. Got to play out D's Delivery Service and Marvel movie fanboy with a friend who was in recovery. Hitched a ride with sisters I had not seen in far too long. I got to have pre-birthday lunch with the college gang. Didn't get to meet my friend's baby because I was still getting over a cold or have dinner with a friend who I had to reschedule with 3 times, but c'est la vie.

Everyone is going well, and though my friends and I miss each other, things go on. It still scares me how much the parts of life keep churning when a piece is removed, but that probably just comes from an over-inflated sense of self-importance. This trip was a good reminder that everything keeps moving forward, and so should I.

I always liked the closing lines of the Great Gatsby: "So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

I always focused on the last part about us being borne into the past. The futility of resisting your history. The overwhelming force of the past and our experiences. It is all very romantic.

However, equally important is that we beat on against the current that is life. Even if we are borne into the past, you still have to paddle forwards. And beat on we must.

Lyrics of the Day: Bad Suns - Cardiac Arrest

"I’ve been tryin’ to keep my grip, yeah I think I’m over this

I can hear it now, oh no, oh no-o

Yeah my tongue will let it slip, why’d I do those things I did

I can taste it now, oh no, oh no-o

I’ll try my best, how much do I invest?

Like cardiac arrest, high voltage in her lips

I’ll try my best, how much do I invest?

Like cardiac arrest, high voltage when we kiss."

On the road again

Spending a couple weeks traveling. I realized that I hadn't updated my comic in a while, so I figured I should add one from the stash. It is called "Sunny Outlook"

The glass is half full. Of an odorless colorless poison. Or it might just be water.

Photo Credit:

LKM PHOTOS

Lyric of the Day: Jack's Mannequin - The Mixed Tape

"This is morning

That's when I spend the most time

Thinking 'bout what I've given up"

Symbols

About a month ago, I graduated from grad school. Because of how messy things were with trying to finish, I hadn't lined up anything for when I finished. I had to move back home for the first time in a over 8 years. It was weird for me, since I had basically been on my own for a long time.

On the drive to my parents' home, my car engine blew up. The car that I had gotten in high school, when I first gained the ability to call home and let us my parents know if I was spending the night by a high school friend. The car that drove me to college. The car that I used to visit friends who had been scattered across the US after. The car that I drove to my first job, every day to college, and that I took across the country one summer.

Losing that symbol of my independence was rough for me.

It made me doubt myself.

I had taken a step back and gone to live home for a while.

It almost made me feel helpless.

Sometimes things happen that put things like this in perspective.

I now realize that this is an opportunity to do what I had wanted to do anyway. Spend some time with my grandparents in their retirement. Help my parents around the house a bit. Explore non-academic interests. Think about the past couple years.

Nothing like a break to clear your head. And life popping up to remind you of the things that matter.

Edit: Bonus Comic!

The house always wins. The house being the inevitability of the universe.

Photo Credit: LKM PHOTOS

Lyric of the Day: Friendly Fires - Blue Cassette
"As I hear your voice,
It sets my heart on fire.
That with all the noise,
It sets my heart on fire."

The Radio

Heard the Arctic Monkeys on the radio and I was inspired.

And drunk me thinks you are really hot.

Photo Credit: LKM PHOTOS

Into the Memory Jar

Up late tonight spectating friends playing Magic. All we have learned is that Esper Delve loses to U-Tron and goes 50-50 with Muggle Wizards.

Had a weird dream a couple nights ago that was an alternate past. It was kind of interesting and reminded me of a story that I don't think I've posted.

For my 21st birthday a couple friends and I drove down to Orlando. The three of us powered through it in a single sitting. Leaving at 9am (early for us), we actually got in at 2am the next morning. I was really inexperienced at driving long distances(we all were). We rotated drivers every two hours and yelled the name of each state out the window as we entered them. Classic high-school stuff.

A couple days in Orlando, we decided that we wanted to go to the beach. I drove the 2 hours to Tampa. This was before I had my smartphone, so I had printed out directions and had my copilot telling me when to turn. Low-tech, but it worked.

In the actual story, we had a fun time at the beach, then piled in my car to head home. My co-pilot had placed the directions on the dashboard as he dried his hair. I put down the windows so that I could have the wind through my hair to help it dry. This is one of my favorite things to do when my hair is long. Our first turn was around a circle, and I took it a little faster than I should have. As we spun around, the directions flew off the dashboard and though the window. We all had a "well, that happened" moment, and I followed the signs and roads I remembered back to Orlando. I played it off like I was glad to be on an adventure (and part of me was), but I was secretly terrified that we would get lost.

In the dream version, we actually did get lost. We end up driving all over the state and my friends and I end up spending the entire day trying to get home. It was like a much lamer version of Harold and Kumar go to White Castle.

I hadn't remembered that trip in a while, so it was kind of strange that it popped up. Good times nonetheless.

Cop out

I haven't made a real post since I graduated and moved down to FL. Mostly because there is so much I want to record that it is overwhelming.

Here is a comic instead. I call it "Boundaries"

It gets blurry when I'm drunk.

Photo Credit: LKM PHOTOS

Divergence

An interesting concept is Divergence, And I don't mean that young adult series of novels, but the idea of something starting on a trajectory that leads to separation. Two things can start from the same fundamental idea, then based on other factors diverge from each other to the point of being irreconcilable. I was reminded today about this by an interaction that I had with a confidant:

One idea that I have struggled with is that God is essentially a man-made construct, existing only as we perceive or attribute value to him. For me, this has been a source of cognitive dissonance, if not a parable for nihilism. If God can only exist as we will him, that is pretty fucking sad. My confidant on the other hand had the same idea that God exist within us. However, in their perspective, we were a reflection of God, and the fact that God could only exist as we perceived, or more-so represented him was a beautiful thing that encouraged us to live a life of "godliness". I have no real conclusion to this, but the fact that the same principle can lead to two different conclusions is interesting. This idea is common sense, but to those who over-analyze such an obvious idea is sometimes a revelation.

I know you wanted comics that I think are amusing, but if I didn't mix in rants who would I be?

Song of the Day: Aerosmith: I don't want to miss a thing
"'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing"

Staying Honest

I realized when I went to post that I had not done a comic recently, so I spent my time making one. I guess I can rant another time.

It doesn't always work out.

Photo Credit: Premier1er

Lyric of the Day: College & Electric Youth - A Real Hero

"Against the grain of dystopic claims
Not the thoughts your actions entertain
And you have proved to be
A real human being and a real hero"

Real Terror

I've been moving forward in most of the things I need to, hopefully in ways that end up taking me where I want to be. As I get closer to finishing some of my goals, each step forward feels that much more terrifying. As a coward by nature, overcoming the fear of the unknown is pretty rough.

So while I am doing the things I have to, I figured I would do some of the things I want to. Such as doing some comics. My new idea is quotes over stock photos. We will see how long this burst of inspiration lasts.

Bartender, I'll take another Self-Confidence and Sprite on the rocks.

Knowing that things in my life will change as a result of my actions is too much power. I guess that is what being an adult is.

Photo Credit: ProPhotoStock

Lyric of the Day: Jimmy Eat World - "Praise Chorus"
"Things are never gonna be the way you want.
Where's it gonna get you acting serious?
Things are never gonna be quite what you want.
Or even at 25, you gotta start sometime.

I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.
I wanna fall in love tonight."

Visual Timestamp #4

Had a great weekend.

All good things must come to an end

News came out today that Robin Williams passed away. It is amazing how someone I have never met could have given me so much.

He helped me understand the value of art, and specifically writing poetry, in Dead Poet's Society.

Robin Williams and the story with him an Christopher Reeve gave me an understanding about what true friendship means.

Mrs. Doubtfire taught me that sometimes you have to do crazy things for your family.

Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting gave me my philosophy on love.

It is hard to know that someone who gave so much to others ended up taking their life after struggling with depression and alcoholism. Rest In Peace Mr. Williams, you have given a generation of people more than you could ever know.

From the Treasure Trove

So I finally moved to a new place. Here are some interesting things I found as I cleaned out the old place.

For Halloween my friends went as Salt and Pepper. I, like Ted from HIMYM, went as Cumin.

The Avengers poster. Pretty sweet.

A timeline the bro gave me of all the generations of Pokemon.

My first set of glasses from HS. I went for the HP looking ones.

I was awarded "Best Trainer". I think this was for a summer camp?

I saw contemporary "Two Gentlemen of Verona". I have a soft spot for modernized Shakespeare.

For one of my friend's bachelor party, I made a game where he had to guess what his wife chose or to take a shot. He guess BSB correctly.

Engineering Jokes 1

Engineering Jokes 2

Engineering Jokes 3

The new place is a mess, but once I clean up, I'll try to have something interesting. I really want to do a rant, but I think it will end up being too disjointed. Maybe I might have another zany dream.

That reminded me. I had a crazy dream where I was helping my friend move (this was ~5 years in the future). As we were packing we came across a poem that she had written in a local magazine. It was amusing because I had suggested the topic (a gender-bend with the poem being a woman's expectations when she gets home from a hard day of work) after she had brought up something about gender roles right before I went to bed. The last part might be a true story, but I guess we will have to see how the future turns out xD

Lyrics of the Day:

S.O.S (Anything But Love) - Apocalyptica

"So go on infect me

Go on and scare me to death

I’ll be the victim

You’ll be the voice in my head

You could give me anything but love

Anything but love"

Skeletons in the closet

One thing that I have always had a problem with is letting things go. For that reason, I tend to be a hoarder. All of the things I have collected have meaning in that they are tied to some memory or the other. Part of me is terrified that if I lose these things, it will be as if I had never had those experiences, since I will not have the item that sparks the memory.

One specific example of this is that I have collected t-shirts that no longer fit or are damaged to the point of being unwearable. From someone with very low standards in terms of what they wear in public (food-stained t-shirt and pajama bottoms?) that is saying something.

So I decided that if I uploaded pictures of these shirts here, I would have a place that would remind me of the stories that go with them. I like to think of this as one of my "be smarter, don't work harder" solutions.

The first shirt is from UMD. I got this shirt when I went to an event at the Catholic Student Center. This was the first and last time that I ever went there.

The second shirt is from a MD basketball game. I think it was sophomore year, but I might be wrong. They only had larges, so I wore it as a tight shirt while one of my friends cut and tied hers into a smaller size.

The last shirt is the most recent. I got it at a metal festival in ABQ, NM. I tore the front of the shirt because of a mosh pit the same day I bought it. You can see the tour location on the back.

 (This entire post was to work up to this joke. Skeletons in my closet....haha)

I'm glad I got to leave this small part of my life journey here. Makes me feel like I'm in a Brandon Sanderson novel.

Song of the Day: Betty Who - Somebody Loves You (Oddio Visual Remix)

Visual Timestamp #3

Because I am in love with this new format. Don't worry, a rant-filled post is in the works.

Days of Future Past Trailer

Ask A Brofessor 8

Injustice Opening

The Climb Music Video

Masterchef - Confident Chef

Guile's Theme Accapella

Visual Timestamp #2

Since this is a regular thing now.

Hercules - Zero to Hero

The A La Menthe - Ocean's Twelve

Washington Song

Macarena

Dogma Beliefs Scene

Honey Badger (narrated by Randall)

We should go to poetry night

This is something that I have been working on. I like the idea, but it is a bit raw and disorganized. It is basically a rant. I just want it here in case I ever get around to revising it. I kind of went back to old bad habits at the end.

"We should go to poetry night",
I message my friend.
Though, what I really mean,
Is that I need to get to a microphone as soon as humanly possible.

Because...
If I projectile vomit these feelings,
Like those lovely Thursday nights in college,
Maybe, just maybe,
They won't poison me.

[This condition is hereditary.
I saw my grandmother,
Clutch at past transgressions,
Like they were Dixie cups of hope,
In the desert of her waning moments.]

Here we go -

First, I don't "hate" my boss,
I hate the entire fucking institution.
Second, I'm not sad that I was dumped,
I'm really terrified I'll end up alone.
Third, I'm not sure if age is making me cynical,
or if my moments of clarity reveal the shitshow of our world.

The stock market is Pokemon cards for adults.
Disney sells beautiful lies and irrational expectations.
Truth is entirely subjective.
Past success means nothing.
And the purpose of life...is, get this, living.

(Mind Explosion)

There is no universal purpose,
It's a goddamn choose your own adventure:

Some want to get to heaven,
Some just want the attention,
Some do it for art,
Others have bleeding hearts,
And want to save humanity from itself.
I just want to be happy with my self.